i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
