Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
