It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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