My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
