I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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