Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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