I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
