So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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