the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
