please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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