ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
