fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
