i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I have vodka in my lungs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
