They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
