I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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