..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
