I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
