jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
