so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
