I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
