wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
