so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
