The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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