Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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