your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
