Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
