That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
