return my video game
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
