I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
