the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
