y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
