i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
