i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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