HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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