the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
