Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
