You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
