I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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