chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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