i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
