Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Quick, to the slutcave!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
