spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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