So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's shark week go big or go home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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