Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
