We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my moral compass just broke
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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