the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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