just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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