I just made out with a guy for $7.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
