Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
