I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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