is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
