When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
