Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
